domingo, septiembre 18, 2005

Este es el diario de Niña Jonás (5)

Este es el diario de Niña Jonás (5)

Esta mañana el radiodespertador sonó a las diez en punto, pero no lo oí hasta las 11:29, y porque sonó el teléfono. Era mi amiga Amaya, con la que había quedado a las once en la puerta del Eroski para ir a la piscina; que qué pasaba, coño, que llevaba media hora esperando en la puta calle, que no había una puta sombra y que se le estaba derritiendo el chichi de tanto calor, joder. Juzgué que estaba algo enfadada y le dije que por favor me disculpara, pero que por alguna extraña razón el radiodespertador no había sonado, se debe de haber ido la luz, le dije, pero que en diez minutos estaría allí, bueno, mejor en quince, y que si hacía mucho calor me esperara dentro del Eroski, que además tenía que comprar una cosa, y colgué.
Y es que esta noche apenas pude pegar ojo por culpa de un mosquito que, a juzgar por su insistencia pretendía dejarme seca, el muy cabrito. Si a mí no me importa que me pique, pero que lo haga en silencio, coño.
Eran las 3:42 cuando un zumbido me despertó de mi sueño.
Recuerdo que soñaba, así, a grandes rasgos, que un grupo de moscas vestidas de etiqueta discutían sobre la herencia de un familiar.
Una de las moscas, que decía ser sobrino del difunto, sostenía con locuacidad que, sin la menor sombra de duda, su querido tío deseaba fervorosamente beneficiarle en el prorrateo, ya que cuando el susodicho tío, impedido durante un periodo de tiempo indeterminado por una afección de peritonitis, había recurrido a él requiriendo su inestimable y desinteresado auxilio, así se lo había hecho saber.
Otra de las moscas estalló en carcajadas y le espetó que cómo era posible que alguien pudiera ser portador de tamaña cicatería; que el periodo indeterminado de tiempo había consistido tan sólo en día y medio de cuidados a base de sopas de pan, y que el supuesto tío ni siquiera era su tío sino tío segundo, y finalizó su exposición con un puñetazo en la mesa.
Otra mosca, mofletuda y cariacontecida, se pronunció con brevedad y apocamiento insinuando que sería preferible atenerse al protocolo, ya que creía contraproducente mantener al notario relegado al ostracismo.
Sus sugerencias cayeron en saco roto y no volvió a abrir la boca en todo el sueño.
Una de las moscas, hermana mayor del fallecido, sobrevolaba la estancia con aire circunspecto. Se posó encima de la mesa y atusándose la trompa, pareció meditar en profundidad las palabras que articuló a continuación: cuánta ingratitud. Después de ello procedió a escrutar uno a uno los rostros de sus congéneres, y en un alarde de chulería, levantó el vuelo y se dispuso a proseguir lo que quedara de reunión desde el techo.
Esta actitud, por otra parte tan característica en la hermana del finado, consiguió epatar una vez más a la congregación, por lo que decidieron hacer un alto en la junta para succionar con glotonería unas migas con chocolate.
Lo que sigue a continuación es confuso; sólo recuerdo que una de las moscas, sospechosa de participar en sucios negocios de especulación inmobiliaria, murió aplastada por la acción de un matamoscas. Entonces se armó un revuelo de ocho pares de narices; unas volaban enloquecidas de un lado para otro sin un rumbo definido, otras quedaron presas de patas en el chocolate derretido mientras el matamoscas, en su acción inexpugnable, seguía arreando golpetazos por doquier; el pánico era generalizado y debió de ser entonces cuando me desperté con el mosquito zumbando a la altura de mi oreja. Encendí la luz y estuve buscando al mosquito durante lo que estimo un tiempo aproximado de veinte minutos. Entonces por fin lo vi, posado en el marco de la puerta, y enrollando un catálogo del Eroski me acerqué a él con la intención de aplastarlo de una puta vez; pero no sé qué me pasó, no pude matarlo, me faltó valor. Y eso que el muy cabrón me miró fijamente y me hizo, con las patitas, un corte de mangas.
Hoy mismo compro el recambio del Kill Paff.

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